my pattern

responsive pattern

HTML drawing by Laura Scott

It was 2001 when I first started blogging. It would be a few years before I heard the word "blog", so maybe my early endeavor in online journaling wouldn't count for purists, but I was journaling online. This was a rather introspective period in my life and I felt compelled to my thoughts and experiences in this worldwide web I'd been playing with for several years. So I hand-coded a site, a static HTML affair that I had to update completely every time I posted an update. (I didn't really care for the limitations of the various services out there.) Over the next year and a half, the site grew in size, making my deployments more complicated. The blog also became collectively more and more emotionally raw, until one day, in a fit of mortified embarrassment and disgust, I deleted the whole thing and didn't look back. So yes, I started blogging eleven years ago, but I haven't been blogging for eleven years.

Crying lessons

doodle art

I need crying lessons. I don't know how to cry. I don't cry like the doyennes in the movies. My cries are blubbery, snotty, croaky things. I gag and cough. My blood presses against my head. My face hurts. My eyes burn. My tummy flip-flops. Even after sleep I'm still a wreck. My body is rubber. My brain just aches. My throat is raw. I need a more sustainable solution.

Hat brain

illustration of brain processes, by Robert Fludd circa 1619

Do you ever get hat hair? You know, what happens when you've been wearing a hat or visor and you take it off and your hair is all dented and messed up?

I get hat brain. It comes from having to change hats so often during the work day. Designer hat. Project manager hat. CEO hat. Coder hat. Community member hat. Marketer hat. So many hats! And I have to wear many of them each and every day.

And that's hard. It's especially hard when jumping from a designer or coder hat, where I'm deep in flow puzzling out something, experimenting, totally immersed, to a project manager or CEO hat, where I'm stepping back, looking at the big picture, strategy stuff, people interactions. Each hat leaves dents in my brain. It takes a few minutes to let the dents fade, a few minutes before I can realistically and effectively wear a different hat.

Right now I see timeboxing as an answer. I'm tempted to write a quick app to facilitate it, since I haven't seen anything too useful so far. But of course that would require changing hats.

Those jitters

At first blush, since only 20 people read this blog on a good day, I should feel safe writing about my jitters about going to and speaking at BlogHer -- not to mention the plane ride, which always can give me the jitters (and being treated like cargo by the airlines doesn't help) -- right? Of course, since many women have said they're "reading up" on as many blogs as possible, maybe more than 20 will read this. I know that if I don't tag this post with the Drupal tag, the traffic will be lower than otherwise, which is good....

...And so it goes: The kind of crazy neurotic ramblings in my mind when I get jittery.

So maybe it will help if I just write what I'm jittery about, so I can see just how silly it is and laugh and find a reason not to worry about it and, maybe, lose some of the jitters.

Self-referential content

Since I haven't written anything about myself here yet, I thought I'd give it a shot.

In case you missed the byline, name is Laura. I'm heading up a start-up interactive media company, which takes up much of my time. When I'm not sitting at a keyboard, staring at one computer screen or another -- or looking at the television -- I'm walking or shopping or taking photographs.

Right now I'm working on a couple of big projects, neither of which is announced yet. One is a Drupal-powered website that will be an information clearing house for a relatively new international organization. The other is a DVD production and authoring project that involves some 5-6 hours of edited instructional footage of a martial art as taught by the grandmaster of the art. The web development is just getting under way; the DVD project is moving into the final phase. Because of the relative scopes of the projects, they'll probably come to completion within a month of each other. I'll post more on these projects later.


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